Don't Look Back...

DH and I started TTC in Jan 2008 - it turned out we were facing serio us male factor infertility (MFI). 4.5 years on - we've had BFNs for both ICSI #1 and #2 and an early pregnancy loss after ICSI #3. ICSI #4 gave us another BFP and our gorgeous b/g twins, born on November 20th 2012.

Sometimes you can find me on twitter - @IFzenwarrior


Our TTC Story So Far...  

Ask me anything


Pretend play

I’m really fascinated in the concept of pretend play…the kiddos are 13.5 months and are already really into self play…pretending to be on the phone (using different objects as phones), pushing cars around and making “brrrrm” noises, feeding their soft toys etc) - I was surprised to read that it’s quite early to be doing these things…just interested in the experiences of others! 

How Pretend Play Develops

(adapted from Learning Language and Loving It, Weitzman and Greenberg, 2002)

In typical development, pretend play progresses through predictable stages. Children with developmental delays may progress through these stages at a slower rate.

Self-pretend(12-18 months) During this stage, children perform one pretend action at a time on themselves, such as pretending to eat, drink, or sleep. Children tend to use toys that look quite realistic (e.g. a plastic toy spoon) or real-life objects (e.g. a real spoon).

Simple pretend(18-24 months) Children at this stage perform simple pretend actions on toys or people. Children continue to use realistic-looking toys at this stage. Examples of simple pretend play include feeding a doll with a toy fork or making a toy airplane “fly”. Children also imitate familiar adult actions at this stage, such as pretending to talk on a toy telephone.

Tagged: pretend playself-pretendsimple pretendtoddlerschild development

Bye 2013…hello 2014

I couldn’t imagine that any year would top 2012, but honestly spending this year as a mama to my two little cubs has been the best! I have neglected this blog horribly…and all I can say is that I do regret it, as it has meant a lot to me to document this journey!

I’ve been keeping some notes on all the changes and developments with the little ones but any actual text stops abruptly halfway through the 9 month post. How awful of me!

Anyway…here is how things have been between months 7 and 13!

7 months

Food - meat/fish/meals (3 meals)
Own room

Talking (dadadadada)
Banging his legs on command
Weight gain
Height increase
Bigger dummies

Baby walker
Sitting comfortably
BF for shorter periods
Dummy obsession
When her Dad came to Lagos

Wow…this is soooo overdue!! Life with twins is FULL and super busy…and I’m loving it! It’s tough, don’t get me wrong but they are just so much fun! There are days when I genuinely want to pull my hair out and am shattered by the time DH gets home, however all I need is one cute smile or a glimpse of an innocent sleeping face and it’s all forgotten!

So the main event this month has been the 16day holiday to Portugal with my mum (with my Dad joining later and my DH coming out for the middle weekend)! It was a little tricky for me (my Mum and I had a bit of friction over her over protectiveness and worry about the babes) but the kiddos loved it…gorgeous weather, tons of attention from grandparents, loads of space and an outdoor lifestyle! What’s not to love?! It was really lovely! Unfortunately we all ended up with hideous colds while we were out there and that meant less sleep, lots of snot and spluttering! Neither of the babes slept through the night for the majority of the time we were out there…

This month has been another big leap for A…she’s just so hyper now…so her sitting up is great…she’s so comfortable and she can move…albeit by rolling, but she can get around! In Portugal my mum bought them a baby walker and A became a full on expert!!! She loved being able to get around and have more freedom! She was a little star!

A has also become even more obsessed with my iPhone…seriously, she’s constantly scanning for it! Means I have to leave all my phone use until she’s asleep or distracted! Lol! Not a bad thing I suppose! She’s also insanely obsessed with her brother’s dummy (pacifier)…when she sees him, all she actually sees is a dummy and she will do whatever it takes to steal it from him! He’s so passive and just let’s her yank it from his bib or his mouth so she can chew it! Lol! Funny and sad that she’s so desperate!

The tantrums are still pretty hideous…I need to work on a way to deal with these better! I hate seeing her flip out…she goes out of control and it takes a long time to calm her…some days it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong…why’s a baby capable of being stressy?! It’s still commonly when she’s tired so I guess reading her cues better!

Other cute little things she’s doing…it sounds like she hums…it’s not a tune (obviously) but she does it when she’s concentrating…so cute! Also she is still totally in love with her Dad…when he came out to Portugal, he arrived late at night…both babes were asleep but when he came into the bedroom, she woke up and saw him and then rolled over to the bars near him and reached out to touch his face! Cutest moment ever…I think she totally melted his heart! Oh and also she’s enjoying her baths more…she never disliked them but was apprehensive…while on holiday I bathed them daily as we were using sunblock and I found she likes to sit up in the bath now…much happier time!

My little Z is just getting bigger and bigger!!! He’s taller, he’s heavier and he’s chunkier! He’s even using the next size up in dummies…he just looks toooooooooo adorable! It feels so good to see him grow after our tricky start! He’s also becoming much less whiny than when he was younger!

He’s still set on remaining on his back…no solo sitting for more than a few seconds and refusal to roll! I just think he’ll so it in his own time…he is as his dad refers to him, “The Original Mr Chill” - DH even bought him an outfit for his holiday that says “Just Chillin’” - its made for him!!

But as much as he’s Mr Chill, he also loves to giggle…it’s the cutest sound ever…and he’s ticklish - super cute!!!! He is quite a playful boy and likes toys…he still loves his jungle gym and I bought them like an activity centre in Portugal which kept him busy. One of the other things that have actually been quite incredible this month…he bangs his legs on command when lying down! My mum taught him and it’s unbelievable to see him respond!!! He lifts both his legs right up and then slams them down! Really makes us laugh! And then there’s his “talking” - he’s well ahead of both his sister and his cousin when it comes to his chitter chatter…this month he has really mastered the “da-da-da-da”!! And he says it in all different tones…including one that sounds like he’s getting quite pissed off! Lol! Love it!!

In general both babes have become so much more interactive and communicative…they look at you…they respond to speech and emotions…they just seem to have grown up a lot!

Their food intake has also increased…we started three meals in Portugal and its going really well…they’ve had all kinds of fruit and veg but more excitingly they’ve ow had chicken, fish and lentils! They have pretty much loved everything! Z is still super enthusiastic and A is just very well behaved most of the time there is food on offer…though there is the occasional bubble blowing session which leads to food being sprayed everywhere.

They started their swimming class…it’s called Water Babies and sounds really amazing! We only managed to go to 2 of the first 4 classes as we went on holiday but they’ve been really good and we’ve already dunked then under…I think Z is a natural!! A is a little more cautious but that’s the whole reason I want them to go to classes…I want them to be comfortable and safe in the water! We’ll see how it goes!

As I mentioned earlier the sleep has been a little disrupted with the colds but I’m confident it’ll improve again…the strangest is having A wake up…she’s the one that has slept through the night since she was about 8 or 10 weeks old! The biggest news this month really is the fact the after coming back from Portugal, they moved into their own room. It was tough on both me and DH…I didn’t think we’d be the type of parents to find it hard but we’ve loved the security of having them right next to us and its kind of felt like a big old camping trip! Anyway…we survived our first night and now it’s lovely to go into their room in the morning…their little faces in their big cots!! Our babies really are growing fast!!! We’re in the second half of their first year…how did that happen?!

8 months

Swimming under water
Food…dairy, red meat
Good routine established
Easier in lots of ways
Playing – run away from Sido and then each other (one outside cot, one in)

Sleeping on front
First tooth - bottom front right (looking at him) (7th July)
First high temp
Up to 25th centile for weight
Sitting up
Clapping in front of the mirror

Wanting to walk assisted
Starting to crawl (zombie drag)
Had first bottle holding by herself when I was at gig
Bay-watch pose
Pulling herself forward in buggy
Stood up in cot first time on 20th July
Ipad obsession

Once again I’m way behind at posting this…I keep meaning to sit down and write it but it’s always done I’m small bursts when I can and its so hard to finish!!

Anyway…they are now over 8 months but luckily I’ve been keeping a list of things as they’ve been happening! So I really hope I get most of it down!

So let’s start with Z this month…he’s becoming a big boy!!!! Literally, he’s grown so much…a 1kg weight gain in a month! He is doing what everyone said…he’s catching up with his sis! We also did some intensive sitting practice when I decided baby Z needed to hit a few milestones (I’m all about the babes taking their time but he was starting to be a little too laid back) and he’s now a little expert at sitting up and playing on his own!

I feel so lucky to be able to say that Z is a happy little boy! The needy newborn he once was is no more…he makes my heart melt with one flash of his dimples…literally kills me! I don’t know how we made such cute babies.

The other big thing this month is that I decided to do some intensive training with Mr Chill…we got to midway through month 7 and I decided it was time to get this boy sitting up on his own. It took a couple of days of really focusing on him but then suddenly he got it! I was never in any massive rush for him to hit milestones but then realised that maybe his personality is such that he needs a bit more encouragement. What’s interesting is that he was already starting to roll around a lot more and also started rolling over at night to sleep on his front! So so cute! Z has also continued his beautiful morning routine of chattering away when he wakes up - we can hear him on the monitor - I just love it!

This month Z is all about noise - he loves to clap and bang his hands on any surface - and he looks at you for a reaction, really pleased with himself! So funny! I love the clapping - it’s uber cute…it’s so funny how babies just suddenly learn things after observing for so long…it’s like one minute they can’t do something and the next they’re experts! The human brain is a crazy thing!

A is still growing FAST!

9 months

Better at finger foods (rice cakes)
Swimming - finished level 1

Cut first tooth (bottom left when looking at her) (22nd July) Standing up in cot Crawling (pulls along on her belly) 7th July “Ta-ta-ta”
Much chattier - babbles constantly
Waving properly (28th July)
Cut second tooth
Zombie crawl (then refused)
On all fours
Said “bye bye” Aug 5th
Pouty mouth when she doesn’t want more food
Up and down moods
Proper crawling by end of 8th month
Pulling self forward in the buggy
Just below 91st for actual and 91st for adjusted age
Cruises around furniture - pulls self up
Quite mobile

Jumping in door bouncer
Waking up at night again randomly
Cut second tooth
Waving properly 29th
Very comfortable sitting and playing for long periods Dancing Dabke
“Duck” 9th Aug
Moving…bum shuffle backwards
Walking in walker
Crazy in door bouncer
Up to 50th centile
Very happy moves from sitting to lying my throwing himself on the floor
Flapping arms - the thing he does when he wants something


First swim in the sea (6/9)
More finger foods
First poo in the bath (6/9)
First anniversary as parents
High five
Lagos baths
Sea swim
Playing with sido (hiding)
Saying “ta3ee” – come here in Arabic and doing hand gesture
Cat love…totally in love with our kitten

Went up first step on stairs (21st)
All the way up the stairs (22nd)
Says “Ca” for “Cat”
Very mobile
Food issues - refusing
Milk reduction then back to normal
More finger food
Clicky sound with tongue – to ha seesaan
Very communicative

Bought him instruments - loves music
Pulling self forward in the buggy
Baby walker mad in Portugal
Sand crazy
Pulling self up in cot
Bum shuffle
Crawl position
Slides backwards and at times forward
Much more assertive
Biting when feeding
Swimming mad…loved sea, pool, bath


Tumble tots
Back to work - BF babes in lunch break
Eating paper
Holiday to Lagos - best holiday ever
Eating sand
Cat love continues

Proper crawling
Top two teeth (right facing him first out) bottom next along
Very confident moving around
Took first steps 14/10
Standing without holding on
Instigates laughing
Reading books – making sounds like he’s reading aloud

Superstar and adorable from midway through third week
Horrible tantrums and unsettled behaviour for first half of month
Standing without holding on (on beach)
Appetite has returned
Took first steps 15/10
Understanding much more
Waving (royalty)
Playing with strangers

12 months

Pushing each other in the car at grandparents
Forward facing car seats
Z gave me a fat lip
Expressing 4 times a day again

Walking more confidently
“Where’s my nose” and she points
Understands a lot more
Climbs up everything
Self weaned – having expressed BM

First shoes
Standing and taking steps
Gives kisses
Making new sounds “th”
Hair getting thicker
Lying down and reading books
Speaking a lot more

13 months
Playing pretent – tea parties, pretending to feed teddies etc
Obsessed with the park and swings
Love facetime
Pretend talk on the phone
First Harrods trip – central London
Birthday party
First xmas tree
12 month review

Says “daow” light in Arabic - obsession with lights continues
“oh-la” – for swings
Z at 75th centriole for both weight and height!
Walking much more than crawling…a little wobbly still
Cut down to BF in morning only…he’s struggling with it

Clap your feet - she claps her feet if you tell her to
A weaned completely from BM
75th centriole for weight and height

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL…wishing wonderful things for you all in 2014…and most of all hoping for many more beautiful miracle babies…and by miracle I mean, scientifically aided ;) x

Two years ago today I had an early miscarriage and then forced myself to go to a Halloween party…this year I’m so lucky to be trying out my babies’ Halloween outfits on them!! #gratefulbeyondbelief

Two years ago today I had an early miscarriage and then forced myself to go to a Halloween party…this year I’m so lucky to be trying out my babies’ Halloween outfits on them!! #gratefulbeyondbelief

Soooo long!!

It’s been faaaar too long since I’ve posted and I have drafts for every month that’s passed since last post which I will eventually get around to posting!!

I just thought I should mark this day with a short post…my babes are just over 10months…I’ve been on maternity leave for 11months and tomorrow I go back to full time work :(

I am very blessed to have my mum to look after the little rascals but OMG am I sad! I wish I could have more time at home with them…will miss our crazy days and their little faces while I’m stuck in meetings or in front of the computer!

Oh well…it had to happen eventually and let’s face it I haven’t played the lottery so nothing was going to change the inevitable! :)

Wow…here commences life with twins, a husband who works shifts…a new kitten (yes…a surprise gift from husband 😳) and a full time working mama! I know millions out there cope with a lot more…I just hope I can be good at work, a loving wife and an awesome mama all at once! 🙏

It’s been faaaar too long since I’ve posted and I have drafts for every month that’s passed since last post which I will eventually get around to posting!!

I just thought I should mark this day with a short post…my babes are just over 10months…I’ve been on maternity leave for 11months and tomorrow I go back to full time work :(

I am very blessed to have my mum to look after the little rascals but OMG am I sad! I wish I could have more time at home with them…will miss our crazy days and their little faces while I’m stuck in meetings or in front of the computer!

Oh well…it had to happen eventually and let’s face it I haven’t played the lottery so nothing was going to change the inevitable! :)

Wow…here commences life with twins, a husband who works shifts…a new kitten (yes…a surprise gift from husband 😳) and a full time working mama! I know millions out there cope with a lot more…I just hope I can be good at work, a loving wife and an awesome mama all at once! 🙏

Z & A in their @babiators #beachbums #twins #firstswiminthesea

Z & A in their @babiators #beachbums #twins #firstswiminthesea

Tagged: firstswimintheseatwinsbeachbums

Happy 9 months to our little superband!! #triplets #musicalbabies

Happy 9 months to our little superband!! #triplets #musicalbabies

Tagged: musicalbabiestriplets

Happy 8 months to my little terrors…time is moving at the speed of light and soon you will be too #8months #nearlycrawling #almostwalking

Happy 8 months to my little terrors…time is moving at the speed of light and soon you will be too #8months #nearlycrawling #almostwalking

Tagged: almostwalking8monthsnearlycrawling

6 months (1 month late)

Neglectfully it’s week one of 7 months and I am only now posting our 6 month update…that’s a testament to how busy life has become…and how exhausted I am by the end of the day when the munchkins are in bed!

I can’t believe my babies have grown so quickly…half a year feels like a big deal!!! I’m feeling so very grateful for the past 6 months and I’m enjoying all the ways in which they grow!! We spent their half birthday at my godfathers with my Mum, SIL and niece…he made us lunch and the little kiddos just bundled each other on the floor…so cute!

I don’t even know where to start and I know I’ll forget to mention something!! Well…I suppose I should start with how the babes celebrated their 5 month birthday in Portugal with their cousin. It was during this trip that A had her huge developmental leap and it’s just continued. We are starting to head towards the point where we need to pin everything in the house down…it also become clear that the babes will need to move to their own room very soon!

So there’s no stopping A, and with all her moving she gets pretty knackered…at the beginning of the month she was really struggling to nap by herself but as the month has progressed she’s gone back to napping on her own (most preferably on her play-mat on the floor). She’s got such a cheeky look on her face pretty much all the time and is such a happy girl until she has a tantrum…oh my god, they just seem to be getting more and more insane! There was one particular day where she would not let me put her down without screaming blue murder…Z was hungry but being quite patient for the first 20mins of screaming (and I mean shrill ear piercing screaming) then he joined in and I literally wanted to start crying too! It took me an hour to get things under control…was not a pleasant experience at all!! These meltdowns are happening quite frequently but not all go completely out of control! I have found the solution is quite often to offer to breastfeed…nine times out of ten she’ll accept the offer and fall asleep quite quickly…it is very much linked to being overtired or when she’s been fighting naps or for whatever reason can’t seem to nap.

In other A news…she’s showing no signs of slowing doubt with her growth…she’s an average size baby for her actual age but bearing in mind she was four weeks early she’s a little chunk and long too! This is the other reason she needs to move to big cot…she’s totally outgrowing her crib! She still loves breastfeeding and seems to be going off the bottle again :( I don’t mind as I love to be the one to feed them but it can make it tough on the nights when M gives are EBM bottle! As far as other food is concerned…she’s really getting the hang of solids…less gagging and more enjoying which is lovely to see…they’re still on one meal a day but she’s really not been at all fussy…in fact the only thing they both really didn’t like was mashed potatoes…texture was quite dry though so I think that was it! I’ll talk a little more about solids later on…though I will mention A’s first full blown vomiting incident which happened after she’d had baby rice with apple! I wouldn’t have thought anything of it except my niece had the same thing after baby rice twice in that same week!! Very odd…suffice to say, I didn’t dare go back to baby rice! It was horrible seeing her wretch and really empty her guts…poor baby girl! A has also had a cold this month and her teething has been quite sad to watch….she’s just so uncomfortable…I really feel for her! We’re still using the granules but I can’t put her amber anklet on as much as she’s wearing a lot of footless stuff now and it falls off so I’m scared she’ll put it in her mouth along with everything else in sight!!! It scares the crap out of me! I’m constantly on the look out for choking hazards! She’s also taken to scratching…like a cat…it’s very cute…I think she’s just discovering different textures and sounds!

There has been other really cool stuff with A this month - she waved on May 4th…it was definitely her copying me and we even managed to catch it on video!!! It’s still a bit hit and miss getting her to do it regularly though…and even more exciting…she’s sitting up solo!!!! It just progressed very quickly…one day she held herself up for a few seconds and a couple of days later she was just happy to sit unassisted (14th May)!!! She looks so proud of herself and even has the guts to look over her shoulder when she’s doing it! So funny!

Zak is also developing so fast now…he’s growing by the minute - feeling heavier and looking taller…in fact had him weighed on 21st which is a day after turning 6months and he’d gained over half a kilo in three weeks and had grown about 4.5cm since last time (March). But it’s not just the physical growth…he’s really developing…he is so much more playful and is so chatty…we decided to make more of an effort to get him on the floor and playing…he freaking adores the Fisher Price Jungle Gym and he’s so active in there…he kicks the toys to his hands and vice versa…can actually happily stay in it for a while! He’s still not interested in rolling around - we know he can, he just doesn’t seem to really want to! The little man is however a very good communicator…this kid loves to laugh…but his giggling sessions are always with someone and if you don’t pay him attention for a minute during “giggle time” he’ll do something to attract your attention - so cute! The boy may be the spit of his dad physically but his laughing gene comes from me! On 3rd of May I was walking with my Dad and Z was in the carrier with him while I pushed the buggy…I made a silly noise at Z and he started laughing…full blown giggles…and he just carried on and on. If I looked away he’d look over at me and start laughing to lure me back into the exchange! It went on for 15mins…and it was adorable!!! Since then he just decides that he’d like to giggle and off we go!! So cute!
As far as food is concerned…Z loves everything…we had some issues with him crying throughout feeding time if we didn’t go fast enough, but then we tried different things out and it seems he doesn’t like it if food is too puréed - I think it’s the transition from BF to eating where he now has less control about how much to have and how quickly! We’ll keep experimenting!

On the topic of food in general, we are being a bit more adventurous…lots of different vegetables…mixing root veggies and experimenting with how smooth and how thick it is! Loving it! Excited for the next stage too, although the idea of baby led weaning still makes me a tad nervous…we will see how it goes and play it by ear!

I’m 4 months away from going back to work…ugh!!! I know some people say they’re ready to return to work after being at home for a while but there isn’t one part of me that’s looking forward to going back…in fact I’m just dreading it! :(

So much to look forward to in the next few months…they’re changing more and more quickly with every week…and they’re so different…moving at their own individual paces and developing in their own ways! Love being a twin mama…such a special experience!

The original Mr Chill…

The original Mr Chill…

Butterfly on the beach…

Butterfly on the beach…

Evening sunshine…

Evening sunshine…

First ever train journey…and to Brighton no less! #6months #coolkids #thisishowtheyroll

First ever train journey…and to Brighton no less! #6months #coolkids #thisishowtheyroll

Tagged: 6monthscoolkidsthisishowtheyroll

Pooh bums #6months

Pooh bums #6months

Tagged: 6months

Happy 6 months my gorgeous little monkeys!!! #besthalfyearever

Happy 6 months my gorgeous little monkeys!!! #besthalfyearever

Tagged: besthalfyearever