Don't Look Back...


DH and I started TTC in Jan 2008 - it turned out we were facing serio us male factor infertility (MFI). 4.5 years on - we've had BFNs for both ICSI #1 and #2 and an early pregnancy loss after ICSI #3. ICSI #4 gave us another BFP and our gorgeous b/g twins, born on November 20th 2012.

Sometimes you can find me on twitter - @IFzenwarrior

Email: IFzenwarrior@gmail.com

Our TTC Story So Far...  

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5 months…

My little munchkins are 5 months and 7 days and it’s been one of the most exciting months so far!! We have just got back from our first ever family holiday to our place in Portugal. It was crazy, a little stressful and a lot of fun! Was great for us to be a family for 24hours a day for 7 days…and man has it made a difference to their development! Amazing! 

This month has been very sociable…we’ve been out and about a lot and I’m really getting obsessed with walking everywhere…I haven’t stepped on the scales but I’m pretty sure it’s helping with the post-pregnancy bulges! 

The babies have become to much more active and alert! I’ve definitely found that they have displayed a lot of the indicators of the “wonder leaps” - on the one hand they’re doing so much more and on the other they’ve regressed a little…despite the challenges…I’ve loved it! 

So the amazing new things they’re doing….

Z has much better head control, he’s a real chatterbox (talks all the time and has the cutest voice EVER) / it really sounds like he’s telling you a story when he starts…he does it when his Dad gets home from work and I imagine he’s telling him about our day! He’s more mobile and is rolling when he can be bothered plus he’s a lot stronger! He laughs occasionally and smiles all the time! He’s a very thoughtful kid though…and while he has really good hand/eye coordination…he’s not always playful…he really chooses when he wants to play and can often opt to just watch the world rather intently! I’m sure he thinks about things and learning! Still calling him “the philosopher” and M’s new name for him is “Mr Chill”! I’m sure he’s grown quite a bit…not had him weighed for a while due to our holiday but he seems to be coming out of what seemed like a very long “new born” phase! His reflux and colic seems to be steadily improving which is a relief though he still spits up more than his sister. I’m sure the boy has a real oral fixation…he’s still obsessed with his dummy (pacifier) but now if he’s not using that his hands are in his mouth…I’m sure he’ll suck/chew them off!!  The biggest thing is that we introduced solids a week or so ago…and Z is a pro…seriously he just knows how to eat…he started by putting hands in his mouth to help push food back but he’s now just eating away…and then crying for more when he’s finished!! Oh there’s so much more…I really wish I was good at documenting everything as it happens but I don’t ever remember to do it! 

A has moved on in leaps and bounds this month…my “text book baby” has turned into a little terror!!!! The most obvious developments have taken place in past two weeks…she’s suddenly doing so much…she scares me…rolling back to front and front to back non-stop, grabbing thing and putting them in her mouth or on her face (nightmare), interacting and working to get attention if she’s not getting it, laughing (still mostly silently), trying to pull herself up etc etc!! She has literally “blossomed”…I totally love it!! She was such a sleepy, well behaved baby for so long and she’s turning out to be a real cheeky little monkey!! Her hand to eye coordination was never as good as her brother’s but it’s suddenly incredible…and it happened overnight!! She is also still licking everything that is within tongues reach…latest comfort thing is to lick her sleeve when she’s sleepy..cute but gross as her wrists are always damp! She’s also all about eye contact…her brother has always liked 1-2-1 time face on and now she’s the same…really pushes back to look you in the face when you carry her…adorable! Her teething nightmare continues but she is now able to use teethers more effectively! Oh and I have to mention blowing bubbles…she’s obsessed! Cracks me up! She even tries to do it while feeding! Um no!!!  Again, there is just so much and I’m sure I’ve forgotten so much! A eats well too…she has gagged and hasn’t found it as easy as her brother but she seems to have enjoyed carrot and baby rice!! She didn’t seem as sure about banana! 

The one thing that has traumatised me post introducing solids…their poo!! OMG!! WTF?? It has not been pretty!! EBF babies really do have pretty inoffensive poo as far as poo goes! But there’s no turning back now! 😁

In terms of challenges…they are both regularly participating in “nap strike 2013”…Z has gone almost entire days with hardly any sleep…it’s not fun…he just gets whiney and grumpy and it’s exhausting to deal with! A used to just sleep when she got tired during the day…now she literally fights it then gets exhausted and has hideous tantrums! Oh my god her tantrums are just getting worse…J feel awful as sometimes I just don’t know how to console her…though I’ve found BF can calm her…not sure that’s the thing to do as it’s probably negative reinforcement but I figure she’s still very young and the tantrums are really getting her worked up into an awful state! They’re definitely more demanding…which is obviously due to their development and need for stimulation etc but the challenge is that they’re not on the same “schedule” and so I feel like I’m chasing my tail constantly and am getting very little done at home which is a little frustrating! That said…they’re my priority and while I do want to tear my hair out by the end of some days, all they need to do is smile or do something adorable and it’s all forgotten! 

Sleep is amazing overnight…I don’t want to jinx myself but for the most part they both sleep from 8:30pm to around 6 or 7am! Z had dropped his early morning feed (4-5am) for the most part…I am crazy and kind of miss it! As for feeds…at present, A is on five feeds and Z on seven feeds in every 24hrs…still feel like I’m constantly feeding during their waking hours and it’s tough to time our daily activities! I suppose it’s the equivalent of one feed an hour since they’re awake for about 12 hours a day so it is pretty tricky! I’ve started taking Fenugreek this month in an aim to increase pumping supply…and either its worked (pumping about 8oz a day) or I can pump more because they’re sleeping longer at night! Either way I’m pleased as I need to increase my freezer supply! I’m also so proud to have got this far with BF…my initial aim was to get to 6 months…but now that it’s approaching I’ve decided I’d like to BF as long as I can up to 1yr (max)…I know it’ll get harder when I go back to work (boo)! 

The crying has increased I think…apparently it’s part of this wonder leap…we are coming out of the “dark cloud” period soon…phew!! I really do find crying and whining difficult…and it’s more about patience…I need more patience! I’m laid back…but lots of crying gets me worked up and I think they sense it and get worse! I will work on this! 

They’re definitely interacting with each other more…and it’s so cute! They reach for each others hands when they’re next to each other…they look at one another and more recently they grab each other in an attempt to pull themselves over…so funny! 

Physically…hair and nails are growing fast!! So crazy how often I have to clip their nails!  Wow! Their hair is still fine (especially compared to their cousin aka triplet) but its longer and a little thicker! I can’t wait to be able to do something with A’s hair! They’re also outgrowing their baby bath…will be using the bathing chair from now on! Plus they’re getting too heavy for us to hold and bath at same time! 

I’m planning to start nap training…we need a better day time routine…I’m struggling though…it’s hard to “train” both at same time and one at a time means the other gets “neglected”…I’ll just have to see how it goes! 

Teeth…this teething business is evil! A is really suffering as I mentioned above…she only had a temperature one time but she’s really uncomfortable a lot of the time…I feel so sorry for her! Bought her an amber ankle bracelet but she’s not worn it this past week as she’s been in footless outfits and it falls off! Z is also showing signs…like possibly gnawing his hand off! Poor kid! I can see white specks on their gums…can’t be pleasant! 

My latest dilemma is whether to get a Snuza Hero breathing monitor! A scares the crap out of me…she’s taken to rolling into her belly while asleep if she can (which is not possible in her crib in our room but at nap times and when she moves to big cot/bed soon πŸ˜‚) and often opts to be face down! So scary! So basically while “they” say if they can roll it’s fine, I’m terrified of SIDs and choking etc so am considering the Snuza monitor which clips into their nappies! I think I’ll get them…my SIL has the Angelcare mat and finds it helps ease her mind! 

Flying was a super duper big deal…we just didn’t know what to expect..well it turns out Z takes after his father…he slept THE WHOLE flight! A was awake and got a little restless…though on the way home (after 5 month mark) A had two meltdowns on take off and landing…probably her ears…she refused the bottle of EBM. 

The heat of Portugal was lovely for the kids…A especially loved being in less clothes…she was flashing all her chubba chubs! The heat in our room here in the UK is really troubling me…no matter what I do it’s too hot and my stupid thermometer is glowing red as it’s above 20degrees! Anyway…I’ve started putting babies in vests in their 1.5tog grobags! I’m freaking freaking out all the time…I’ve opened all the windows after they’ve gone to sleep leaving DH and I freezing downstairs and even that hasn’t reduced temp! I’m just going to keep them in as little as possible and hope it doesn’t get much hotter in our room as the summer warms up! 

What I’m expecting…sitting and crawling in the next few months…A looks like she might sit very soon…as for crawling…they’ve both got the action of tucking legs in to crawl…but neither of them get what their arms are supposed to do…Z quite often looks like a fish on land…he kind of thrashes around until he tires himself out or throws up! Lol! 

Personally…I’m really wishing we’d win the lottery (not that we play it) so I can stay at home with my babies…so scared of missing all their milestones…they change and learn to quickly!! I’m trying hard to get to the gym as often as I can though with the holiday and feeling a little rum down this week, I’ve not been too good recently! I’m hoping to be back into my clothes by the summer…I hope I’m not being over ambitious! It’s the “hips”…I’ve never had them and I don’t like them! But they’re there for a great reason so I will be patient and persevere! It’s a small price to pay for the best gifts ever!

5 months…

My little munchkins are 5 months and 7 days and it’s been one of the most exciting months so far!! We have just got back from our first ever family holiday to our place in Portugal. It was crazy, a little stressful and a lot of fun! Was great for us to be a family for 24hours a day for 7 days…and man has it made a difference to their development! Amazing!

This month has been very sociable…we’ve been out and about a lot and I’m really getting obsessed with walking everywhere…I haven’t stepped on the scales but I’m pretty sure it’s helping with the post-pregnancy bulges!

The babies have become to much more active and alert! I’ve definitely found that they have displayed a lot of the indicators of the “wonder leaps” - on the one hand they’re doing so much more and on the other they’ve regressed a little…despite the challenges…I’ve loved it!

So the amazing new things they’re doing….

Z has much better head control, he’s a real chatterbox (talks all the time and has the cutest voice EVER) / it really sounds like he’s telling you a story when he starts…he does it when his Dad gets home from work and I imagine he’s telling him about our day! He’s more mobile and is rolling when he can be bothered plus he’s a lot stronger! He laughs occasionally and smiles all the time! He’s a very thoughtful kid though…and while he has really good hand/eye coordination…he’s not always playful…he really chooses when he wants to play and can often opt to just watch the world rather intently! I’m sure he thinks about things and learning! Still calling him “the philosopher” and M’s new name for him is “Mr Chill”! I’m sure he’s grown quite a bit…not had him weighed for a while due to our holiday but he seems to be coming out of what seemed like a very long “new born” phase! His reflux and colic seems to be steadily improving which is a relief though he still spits up more than his sister. I’m sure the boy has a real oral fixation…he’s still obsessed with his dummy (pacifier) but now if he’s not using that his hands are in his mouth…I’m sure he’ll suck/chew them off!! The biggest thing is that we introduced solids a week or so ago…and Z is a pro…seriously he just knows how to eat…he started by putting hands in his mouth to help push food back but he’s now just eating away…and then crying for more when he’s finished!! Oh there’s so much more…I really wish I was good at documenting everything as it happens but I don’t ever remember to do it!

A has moved on in leaps and bounds this month…my “text book baby” has turned into a little terror!!!! The most obvious developments have taken place in past two weeks…she’s suddenly doing so much…she scares me…rolling back to front and front to back non-stop, grabbing thing and putting them in her mouth or on her face (nightmare), interacting and working to get attention if she’s not getting it, laughing (still mostly silently), trying to pull herself up etc etc!! She has literally “blossomed”…I totally love it!! She was such a sleepy, well behaved baby for so long and she’s turning out to be a real cheeky little monkey!! Her hand to eye coordination was never as good as her brother’s but it’s suddenly incredible…and it happened overnight!! She is also still licking everything that is within tongues reach…latest comfort thing is to lick her sleeve when she’s sleepy..cute but gross as her wrists are always damp! She’s also all about eye contact…her brother has always liked 1-2-1 time face on and now she’s the same…really pushes back to look you in the face when you carry her…adorable! Her teething nightmare continues but she is now able to use teethers more effectively! Oh and I have to mention blowing bubbles…she’s obsessed! Cracks me up! She even tries to do it while feeding! Um no!!! Again, there is just so much and I’m sure I’ve forgotten so much! A eats well too…she has gagged and hasn’t found it as easy as her brother but she seems to have enjoyed carrot and baby rice!! She didn’t seem as sure about banana!

The one thing that has traumatised me post introducing solids…their poo!! OMG!! WTF?? It has not been pretty!! EBF babies really do have pretty inoffensive poo as far as poo goes! But there’s no turning back now! 😁

In terms of challenges…they are both regularly participating in “nap strike 2013”…Z has gone almost entire days with hardly any sleep…it’s not fun…he just gets whiney and grumpy and it’s exhausting to deal with! A used to just sleep when she got tired during the day…now she literally fights it then gets exhausted and has hideous tantrums! Oh my god her tantrums are just getting worse…J feel awful as sometimes I just don’t know how to console her…though I’ve found BF can calm her…not sure that’s the thing to do as it’s probably negative reinforcement but I figure she’s still very young and the tantrums are really getting her worked up into an awful state! They’re definitely more demanding…which is obviously due to their development and need for stimulation etc but the challenge is that they’re not on the same “schedule” and so I feel like I’m chasing my tail constantly and am getting very little done at home which is a little frustrating! That said…they’re my priority and while I do want to tear my hair out by the end of some days, all they need to do is smile or do something adorable and it’s all forgotten!

Sleep is amazing overnight…I don’t want to jinx myself but for the most part they both sleep from 8:30pm to around 6 or 7am! Z had dropped his early morning feed (4-5am) for the most part…I am crazy and kind of miss it! As for feeds…at present, A is on five feeds and Z on seven feeds in every 24hrs…still feel like I’m constantly feeding during their waking hours and it’s tough to time our daily activities! I suppose it’s the equivalent of one feed an hour since they’re awake for about 12 hours a day so it is pretty tricky! I’ve started taking Fenugreek this month in an aim to increase pumping supply…and either its worked (pumping about 8oz a day) or I can pump more because they’re sleeping longer at night! Either way I’m pleased as I need to increase my freezer supply! I’m also so proud to have got this far with BF…my initial aim was to get to 6 months…but now that it’s approaching I’ve decided I’d like to BF as long as I can up to 1yr (max)…I know it’ll get harder when I go back to work (boo)!

The crying has increased I think…apparently it’s part of this wonder leap…we are coming out of the “dark cloud” period soon…phew!! I really do find crying and whining difficult…and it’s more about patience…I need more patience! I’m laid back…but lots of crying gets me worked up and I think they sense it and get worse! I will work on this!

They’re definitely interacting with each other more…and it’s so cute! They reach for each others hands when they’re next to each other…they look at one another and more recently they grab each other in an attempt to pull themselves over…so funny!

Physically…hair and nails are growing fast!! So crazy how often I have to clip their nails! Wow! Their hair is still fine (especially compared to their cousin aka triplet) but its longer and a little thicker! I can’t wait to be able to do something with A’s hair! They’re also outgrowing their baby bath…will be using the bathing chair from now on! Plus they’re getting too heavy for us to hold and bath at same time!

I’m planning to start nap training…we need a better day time routine…I’m struggling though…it’s hard to “train” both at same time and one at a time means the other gets “neglected”…I’ll just have to see how it goes!

Teeth…this teething business is evil! A is really suffering as I mentioned above…she only had a temperature one time but she’s really uncomfortable a lot of the time…I feel so sorry for her! Bought her an amber ankle bracelet but she’s not worn it this past week as she’s been in footless outfits and it falls off! Z is also showing signs…like possibly gnawing his hand off! Poor kid! I can see white specks on their gums…can’t be pleasant!

My latest dilemma is whether to get a Snuza Hero breathing monitor! A scares the crap out of me…she’s taken to rolling into her belly while asleep if she can (which is not possible in her crib in our room but at nap times and when she moves to big cot/bed soon πŸ˜‚) and often opts to be face down! So scary! So basically while “they” say if they can roll it’s fine, I’m terrified of SIDs and choking etc so am considering the Snuza monitor which clips into their nappies! I think I’ll get them…my SIL has the Angelcare mat and finds it helps ease her mind!

Flying was a super duper big deal…we just didn’t know what to expect..well it turns out Z takes after his father…he slept THE WHOLE flight! A was awake and got a little restless…though on the way home (after 5 month mark) A had two meltdowns on take off and landing…probably her ears…she refused the bottle of EBM.

The heat of Portugal was lovely for the kids…A especially loved being in less clothes…she was flashing all her chubba chubs! The heat in our room here in the UK is really troubling me…no matter what I do it’s too hot and my stupid thermometer is glowing red as it’s above 20degrees! Anyway…I’ve started putting babies in vests in their 1.5tog grobags! I’m freaking freaking out all the time…I’ve opened all the windows after they’ve gone to sleep leaving DH and I freezing downstairs and even that hasn’t reduced temp! I’m just going to keep them in as little as possible and hope it doesn’t get much hotter in our room as the summer warms up!

What I’m expecting…sitting and crawling in the next few months…A looks like she might sit very soon…as for crawling…they’ve both got the action of tucking legs in to crawl…but neither of them get what their arms are supposed to do…Z quite often looks like a fish on land…he kind of thrashes around until he tires himself out or throws up! Lol!

Personally…I’m really wishing we’d win the lottery (not that we play it) so I can stay at home with my babies…so scared of missing all their milestones…they change and learn to quickly!! I’m trying hard to get to the gym as often as I can though with the holiday and feeling a little rum down this week, I’ve not been too good recently! I’m hoping to be back into my clothes by the summer…I hope I’m not being over ambitious! It’s the “hips”…I’ve never had them and I don’t like them! But they’re there for a great reason so I will be patient and persevere! It’s a small price to pay for the best gifts ever!

Tagged: twinsIVF5 monthsinfertilityICSIMade with TPlus

  1. amiracle4us said: Angelcare SAVED me mentally bc Emma ‘buries’ her face in everything. Naps-uggg if u find the trick, let me know. Try brewers yeast too for your milk supply. It’s amazing how quick they grow :(
  2. donotlookback08 posted this